I can be a very proud person. I can be a self-righteous know-it-all, thinking I know better than someone else, including God. I wanted to remind myself that I am NOTHING apart from the work of Christ in my life. It is only through the power of Christ that I can do anything of value in this world.
Little did I know how humbling this year would be for me. God brought me to the end of myself. I was stretched too thin and I knew it, but I knew that I wanted to be used by God, no matter the cost. After December 23 God definitely brought circumstances into my life that were way outside my comfort zone. Nothing humbles you quicker than not being in control of your life. I had been doing the same job for 16 years, thinking that I had started to figure things out. Thinking there was no way Faith Christian School could survive without me. Thinking I was a valuable asset to my church. BUT still feeling in some ways like I needed to do something different. And feeling like I wasn't important to anyone close to me. (See, I told you I was proud.)
God has been humbling me by bringing all sorts of NEW experiences in my life. There is nothing that will teach you to depend on God quicker than being thrown into brand new life experiences. All of a sudden I found my whole world thrown into upheaval by the potential for a brand new adventure, but I had to humble myself to put my trust in another person and be open to this idea. I had to humble myself to talk to wise people in my life who could advise me. I had to humble myself and tell my boss that I was quitting my job. I had to humble myself to talk to my family members and tell them I was seriously contemplating a huge life change. I had to humble myself and put myself under the authority of a wise pastor/counselor. I had to humble myself and consider the prospect of selling the house I've lived in for the last 11 years. And God is good. After 16 years of doing the same teaching job, I'm making the transition to my dream job of wife and homemaker. It's been a whirlwind. In some ways I'm still having a hard time believing this is actually happening. But yes I AM getting married in 12 days and starting off this new school year as a married woman.
As I humbled myself I have found such great joy and wonder in the journey. I have been humbled to have been so blessed by God who has humbled me by showing me how much HE loves me and by bringing this wonderful man into my life who is loving me with the love of Christ. He has given me a place to belong and to feel needed and important. BUT through it all I am again humbled because I have been put into all sorts of situations where, again, I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT I'M DOING. That's humbling. But that's okay, because it's an adventure to trust God and enjoy the journey.
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Phil 2:3-8)